Broken Doll
by EllieShelly
Summary: Addison tells Mark that she gets the abortion, but she's lying. What happens when Mark tracks her down from New York to Seattle two years later? Maddison.
1. Chapter 1

**Two Years Ago**

"Mark," Addison placed a hand on his forearm gently. "Mark, I'm sorry..."

"Why do you want this?" He demanded, cupping her face in his hands. "Addie, we could - "

"We couldn't," she shook her head sadly. "I'm sorry, but it's done."

Mark stared at her, and then threw the onesie down on the bed. "Fine," he spat, "it's your body, you do what you want."

He then picked up his coat off the floor and and shrugged it on his broad shoulders. "Have a nice life Addison," he mumbled, striding out the door and slamming it with a bang.

Addison pressed her lips together, feeling the tears well up. It wasn't _supposed _to be like this, all hard and messy. She wanted a baby, she did... But she couldn't have _Mark's. _No matter how insane it may seem, she was still clinging to the hope that her and Derek would patch things up and be together again. And there was no way that would work if she kept this baby.

What would she say? "Hi honey, I banged your best friend in our bed and now I'm having his baby, hope you're okay with that!"

Didn't think so.

The date was set for Wednesday, tomorrow morning. It was a good OB, she knew her through work and Addison trusted her to be discrete. She didn't want anyone else to know, the last thing she needed was for every person in New York to know that she aborted Mark Sloane's baby.

It was sad, she thought. She wanted a baby so much... She was a baby doctor! But she wanted a baby with Derek... At least she thought she did. She remembered the feeling that she'd had in the few years after her wedding to Derek. That feeling where you just _knew _you were going to last forever. But lately it was gone, and so was Derek.

He was absent, is what he was. Absent and cold and distant... And Mark was there. She probably knew him better than Derek at this point, the result of many late night talks. She knew about his childhood pets, his parents, how his favourite smell was petrol...

Ask her what Derek's favourite smell was and she'd have to pass.

Placing a hand across her still taut abdomen, she thought of the baby. Her baby. A little life that she would create and carry and nurse. She just imagined having that baby placed in her arms and feeling it's warm body and milky baby smell, and she could feel herself melt a little bit.

She could handle a baby, of that she was sure. She was one of the best OB/GYN surgeons in the world, saving babies was her job. Having her own couldn't be that hard, could it? But then there was Mark, and Addison wasn't sure what to do about him.

He'd be a horrible father. He'd forget birthdays and he'd say inappropriate things and generally be a let down... Something Addison didn't want for her child. Growing up with an absent, adultering father was not something she wanted any other child to have to go through.

She knew was a little in love with Mark. And if she let herself, she'd be head over heels before she knew it, and she wasn't going to fall like that unless she was sure he'd be there to catch her.

Shaking her head, she changed into a big pajama T-shirt - Mark's - and lay her head down on the pillow, sighing. She didn't want to the finality of an abortion, but she didn't necessarily want to lose her baby. It was so...complicated.

Pushing all thoughts of babies and daddies and little booties out of her mind, she fell asleep, hand resting over her baby.

.

"Addison!" Mark called, knocking on the door. "Addie, let me in!"

"What?" She asked, hair messy and eyes blazing. It was five thirty in the morning, and here he was banging the door down?

"Addie, I'm sorry," he begged. "I know I've not done right by you, and I know that's why you don't think I can be a dad... But I can. I've got the clothes sorted," he smiled, and she remembered the onesie that had been clasped in her hands all night, "and look," he held up a calendar. "Addie, our baby has a birthday!"

Addison was shocked, and confused, and ecstatic all at the same time. "Mark..." She said slowly, peering at him intently. "Are you sure?"

"Positive," he held her hands in his. "Addie, I'll be committed, I'll do weekend barbecues, I'll get the kid a dog and play ball with them. We could have a family, Addison." The look in his eyes was so hopeful and innocent that Addison had to restrain herself from throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him right there.

"That sounds...perfect," she murmured, imagining all the things he'd promised her. He was painting a pretty picture.

"Perfect. Me and you, and the baby," he pulled her close and placed his warm hand over her belly. "It's in there, Addison. And it's ours."

She couldn't help but want to cry. This was what she wanted, a stable guy to do all those things and to hold her and love her and be there. She'd always assumed that that had to be Derek, and for it to be anyone else was absurd. But maybe...maybe Mark could be her guy.

She knew keeping this baby would spell a definite end for her and Derek. They would no longer be a 'them', they'd be a nothing. But her and Mark could be a them, with a beautiful baby to match. "Okay," she murmured, leaning further into his embrace.

"Okay?" Mark repeated, looking into her eyes.

"Okay!" She said happily, throwing her arms around him, kissing him. "Lets have a baby!"

"Addison, I meant what I said," he kissed her ear. "I'm going to commit to you."

"Good," she smiled, holding him close. "If we can work, Mark, we'll be great," she said into his neck.

"And this kid is going to be _hot,_" he grinned, making her smile. He kissed her again, deeper, and picked her so that her ankles were locked over his hips. And he stumbled with her to the bedroom, a thought suddenly struck her.

"I have to make a phone call," she remembered suddenly. "A _really _important phone call."

Mark stopped kissing her neck, and smiled his megawatt grin that made her warm all the way to her tiptoes. "Then," he kissed her nose affectionately, "go and make it."

She kissed him once more, long and drawn out. Then she skipped to the phone. "Hi, this is Addison Montgomery," she said coolly. "I need to cancel my appointment with Dr Branson. Okay, thank you. Bye."

There is was. In a few short words down the telephone she'd shaped her whole future, and she couldn't be happier. She went back to Mark with a spring in her step. To her disappointment, however, he was getting dressed when she entered. "What are you doing?" She purred, kissing his sensitive spot behind his ear.

"Hospital," he held up his pager. "Gotta go," he kissed her quickly, buttoning his shirt. "I'll be back baby," he murmured, cupping her behind and pulling her close to him. "So wait up for me."

"It's morning," she pointed out.

"So wait all day," he suggested, rushing out of the door.

.

Addison did wait most of the day. But about four she got tired of waiting - she was off that day, as she was supposed to be having the abortion - and decided to go and visit Mark at work. After all, he was her baby's daddy, so she was allowed to do stuff like that.

She skipped down the hall in her heels, smiling at the nurses and other doctor's as she went. She wondered how they would react when they found out... Mark Sloane settling down? Never! She smiled to herself as she realised she would be known as the woman who changed him.

But as she got to his office, she thought she heard a giggled from inside. A distinctly female giggle. Cautiously, praying to be wrong, she tried to open the handle. "Busy!" She heard him call breathily, accompanied by another girlish squeal. "Be done in... Soon, at this rate!" There was a proper laugh and the sound of a desk being scraped across the floor.

Addison was speechless and hurt and angry... So many emotion were flooding her system, and she thought she was going to explode with frustration. She seriously considered grabbing a chair and hurling through the glass, then stepping in and tearing both of their hair out.

But she was the ever cool, ever calm Dr Montgomery. She was not going to lose it.

So tactfully she spun on her heel and walked away, hoping that no one had been paying too much attention. It wasn't until she was safely locked away in the car before she let herself burst into noisy, hurt sobs. How could he do this? They were having a _baby, _creating a _life_?

She tried to stop crying, she did... But she couldn't. Her marriage was over, she was pregnant from the affair and now the dad was doing a scrub nurse. Her life was in ruins. And aborting the one potentially bright spot was not going to do anyone any good.

It was then that she made her choice. She drove, still crying, to the Brownstone and threw her essentials into all her suitcases, and packed the rest into some old storage boxes. Then she placed them in the back of her car and drove, to a hotel.

She was done with Mark, with good looks and excellent hands and charming ways. She wouldn't fall like every other girl, not again. She was going to stay out of it.

She'd left Mark a quick note on the counter and she anxiously waited the whole evening for him to find it. It was until eleven thirty that her phone began to buzz. She took a deep breath and answered. "Hello, Mark," she said coolly.

"Addison, what the hell?" He exploded. "You're leaving?"

"Yes, I am," she told him, smoothing a hand over her stomach.

"You can't take my baby!" He protested, and she had to think fast. She blurted out the first thing that came into her head.

"I...aborted the baby," she told him. "I saw you," her eyes welled up with hurt, "at your office today. With _her._"

"W-what?" Mark stammered, not knowing that she'd seen that.

"You can't be a dad," she cried, clutching the phone so tightly she was sure it was indenting on her skin. "And I can't be with you. There's no baby, Mark. And now there's no me." With a last sob, she hung up.

He didn't call back.

.

**Present Day**

Addison handed her daughter some mushed up peas in a pot and smiled as she rubbed them over her face almost instantaneously. "Amy," she cooed, kissing the just over one year old's angelic face. "That's for dinner, sweetheart."

Amy giggled and continued to smush food on her and her awaiting mother. Addison giggled along with her daughter, tickling her baby tummy. She loved her daughter so so much, and wouldn't have traded anything for the life she had now. Seattle was actually a good place to raise a baby.

For a while after she'd left, Addison had been a little lost. She taken holiday time from work, and day by day she grown bigger and bigger. It wasn't until she hit the fourth month mark that she realised she needed to form a plan.

Then Richard called for a consult, then he offered her a job... And one thing led to another. Before she knew it Amy was born and she was living quite happily in a three bed two bath house in Seattle, working at good ol' Seattle Grace.

Running OB/GYN department was still demanding, sure, but it being the baby specialty meant she could have her daughter at work almost whenever wanted, which was a lot. And that meant many happy memories with her little girl.

Just as Amy was done putting peas in Addison's eyebrows the doorbell rang. Addison hurriedly wiped the green goop away with a towel and opened the door, expecting a salesman or an intern or whoever... Not this. Not him.

"Mark..." She stuttered, mouth an 'o' of surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"I've been working up the courage to come here," he revealed, his chiselled jaw and rugged good looks making Addison swoon a little. "And now I have, and I want to say sorry, and I want to - "

Mark apology monologue was interrupted by a gurgle from inside the kitchen, then a baby giggle. Sighing heavily, Addison took a step back and let Mark enter and see Amy. He looked to Addison, to the baby, and then at himself in the mirror.

"Oh, Addison..." He murmured, staring her down. "You've got some explaining to do."

* * *

A/N: This is my first Grey's fic so be nice and review! I'm not sure if I'm going to continue or not so feedback is appreciated! Review me :) x


	2. Chapter 2

Addison stared at Mark, mouth hanging open. "Mark..."

"Addison..." He mimicked, seemingly unperturbed by the toddler in the high chair.

"Ma!" Amy shouted, laughing and banging her chubby baby fists on the plastic table top. "Mama," she squealed, reaching out for Addison.

Eyes still fixed on Mark, she picked her up and place her on her hip.

She opened her mouth to speak, but Mark beat her to it. "Congratulations," he smiled, stroking Amy's baby soft scarlet hair. "She's beautiful."

"Mark, I'm sorry," Addison apologised, "I know that I should have told you - "

"Yeah," he said, with the first bit of vehemence that night, "you should have."

She looked from Mark to her daughter, who was eagerly sucking her fingers and studying Mark with interest. "I'll go put her to bed," she told him. "Then we can talk."

Mark nodded. "I'll be here."

Addison turned and began to walk up the stairs, looking at Mark over her shoulder. The last two years had done him well, and he was just a ruggedly good-looking as the last time she'd seen him.

As she gently changed Amy from her flowery dress into her cotton onesie, she thought about the man sitting downstairs. Everything she felt toward him was conflicting. On one hand, she still knew that she'd done the right thing by walking away, on the other...the way his face lit up when he clapped eyes on Amy made her reconsider her decision.

Had he grown up on her? Had there been a point in the last two years where he'd become this responsible, mature father-figure and she'd never known what she was missing? What her - _their - _daughter was missing?

"Ssh," she soothed, stroking Amy's hair as she lay her down in the cot. The baby dropped off to sleep almost immediately, a trait that she'd definitely inherited from Mark. His ability to drop off under any circumstances would never cease to amaze her.

"Cute room," a hoarse voice said from behind her, startling her.

"I thought you were going to wait downstairs," she whispered, picking up the baby monitor off the bedside table and switching it on.

"I wanted to see you," he answered simply. "I've waited a long time to see you."

"Mark - "

"You still look beautiful," he chuckled bashfully, scuffing his foot against the hardwood floor. "As beautiful as the last time I saw you."

Her expression softened. "Let's go downstairs," she suggested, guiding him out with hand on his forearm.

They trooped back down to her living room in silence, Mark carefully avoiding a baby truck that was placed at the top of the stairs. Addison nimbly stepped over it, without even looking down, and Mark got the idea that she now had a sixth sense for safety hazards.

"Do you want a drink?" She asked, gesturing to the kitchen. " I have - "

"Not thirsty," he said absentmindedly, sinking down onto the plush couch cushions. Addison waited another careful moment before joining him, sitting next to him, though making sure to keep a foot of personal space between the two of them.

"Addison, how could you?" He muttered, squeezing his hands together in front of his face.

"I don't know," she answered after a second. "It just...happened."

"Happened?" He turned to her, anger shining in his eyes. "You just _happened _to have my child, and you just _happened _not to tell me?"

"I told you!" She retaliated, ready to unleash two years of pent up feelings to him. "I told you I was having a baby, and if you recall, you screwed it up!"

"You wanted an abortion!" Mark exploded.

"And I changed my mind, _for you. _And not twelve hours after I did that you were banging a scrub nurse in your office!" She countered, and Mark did look momentarily speechless.

"But..." He floundered for a moment, then, "you still had no right not to tell me about her!"

"I didn't know what else to do!" She explained, feeling the tears well up in her eyes. She knew that there was no way for the two of them to be friends again without this inevitable blow up, but...this still wasn't how she wanted it to go.

"I was trapped, Mark, and I had no idea what to do. I couldn't have raised her with you, not after we started off like that - " Mark opened his mouth to speak but Addison shushed him. "Let me finish. I was lost and on my own and pregnant, so I ran. And I know it was stupid and selfish, and you have every right to hate me, but she's doing great." Addison took a deep breath. "So far, she's turned out great, and I believe that I made the right choice."

She broke off, a few stray tears slipping down her cheeks. Mark looked at her with genuine anguish, but he stayed silent. "Mark, say something," she pleaded.

He took a breath. "What's her name?"

Addison registered the question, expecting it to be something more along the lines of "you traitorous bitch" and pleasantly surprised that it was something about their daughter. "Amy," she replied, lip quirking up fondly.

"Amy," he nodded thoughtfully, a small smile appearing on his face. "It's pretty."

"Thank you," Addison accepted, glad he liked it. "It took me ages to decide."

"Must've been tough," Mark agreed, "how do you name something so beautiful?"

"Mark..." Addison whimpered, starting to cry.

"Or, more importantly," he continued, "how do you keep something so beautiful away from the one man who'll love her unconditionally?"

She put her hands out to cup his face. Amazingly, he let her. "I was scared," she whispered, so quiet it was barely audible.

"So was I," he answered, and Addison saw the pain flash in his eyes. "We agreed to give this a try and then you left. You left me, you left New York, I thought you _killed _our baby... Addie, I loved you."

Neither of them missed the past tense.

"And then you ran. And I was scared too, but I didn't have a reminder of us to carry me through." Dropping her hands sharply, he stood. "I'm sorry, Add, but I don't know how to do this."

"Do what?" She asked desperately, clinging to his wrist.

"Talk to you," he said sadly, "be near you, hold your hand... Addie, I _want _to, but I can't." He picked up his jacket from the chair and slung it over his shoulders. "I'm going to go now," he said softly.

Addison let him get all the way to the door before she leapt up after him. "Wait!" She chased around the baby toys with skill and met him at the threshold to the house. "Don't go," she begged, grabbing his lapels. "She needs her father."

Mark bowed his head. "You should have thought of that before you took her away from me," he answered, and shook himself from her grasp.

She kept her hands in mid-air, where she'd been holding on to him. He walked stoically down the path, and only turned at the last second. "I'm staying at the Archfield," he called back to her, "room 214. Call me if you want."

In his head: _Call me, call me, please dear god Addie call me. _

She nodded limply. "Okay," she said shakily.

He watched her standing in the doorway, flaming hair illuminated by the porch light, making her look like an angel. He wanted nothing more than to walk back up to her and take her in his strong arms and kiss her until her lips were swollen and until all she could think of was him.

But then he thought of the gorgeous little girl who was sleeping upstairs, the girl with his nose and bone structure, and Addison's hair and mouth and eyes... The two of them mashed together to make the most perfect outcome.

And then all he could think about was how that beautiful little girl knew nothing about him, had no idea who he was and how he'd missed out on the first full year of her life.

He slammed the gate shut behind him, with an air of finality.

Addison sank down into the doorframe and put her head on her knees. God knows how much she'd missed Mark and how many times she'd imagined him coming back to her. This wasn't what she wanted, and not for the first time she found herself wondering if she'd made a mistake way back two years ago.

Suddenly the baby monitor crackled into life and Amy's silky soft wail came through it. Wiping her eyes she stood carefully and made her way up to her daughter. "Mommy's coming baby," she called up, though she knew that Amy couldn't understand.

"Hey," she soothed, scooping her up and cradling her in her arms. "It's okay," Addison rocked her, watching as her breathing calmed and she blinked her turquoise eyes up to her mother. "Hi baby," Addison murmured, stroking Amy's back, "do you want to sleep with mommy tonight?"

Amy merely gazed at Addison, obviously having no idea what was going on. Addison nodded. "You know what sweetheart? I think you do."

She knew that Amy was perfectly capable of sleeping in her cot, but she wanted - needed - the human contact that holding her baby would give her. She needed to hold the piece of her and Mark and know that for all of their mistakes and screw ups, something good - something _perfect _- had come out of it.


	3. Chapter 3

Mark rubbed the sleep out of his eyes as the morning sun streamed through the gossamer curtains and onto the silk throw, illuminating the classy room he'd rented at the Archfield. He didn't remember much about how he got back here, considering he'd stopped at Joe's and drunk himself into oblivion straight after leaving Addison's.

He may have had a splitting headache and scratchy dry throat, but at least he'd been in a good enough state to pass over on the leggy blonde who'd been making eyes at him all night. Part of him - I'm sure you can guess which part - thought that leaving with her would have been a good idea, an easy way to while away a few more hours... But the other part - the bigger part, the part for Addison - thought that after everything her finding him with yet _another _woman would _not _be a good idea.

Sitting up slowly, he picked up the shiny receiver and dialled down to reception. "Excuse me, are there any messages for my room?" He asked gruffly, coughing a little.

"Sorry sir," the tinny voice said, "no messages."

"Okay," he sighed, the feeling of disappointment welling up inside of him. "Thank you." He hung up and ran a hand through his short hair, the motivation to get up having dissipated as quickly as it had come on.

Nevertheless, he swung his toned legs out of bed and stretched, knowing that staying where he was wasn't going to make him feel any better. He threw on his rumpled black t-shirt from yesterday and pulled on the same jeans, not caring if he looked like a tired tramp or not.

He was about to leave when his phone started buzzing, the vibrations coming from somewhere in the mess of blankets. Searching frantically, he located the device and flipped it open, not even glancing the caller ID. "Hello?"

"Mark?" Addison asked, and he could hear a baby gurgling in the background.

"Addie," he sighed, relieved. "I thought you would call the hotel."

"You still have the same number," she explained. "It seemed simpler to just use it."

"Sure," he agreed quickly, just wanting to please her.

"Mark," she blew out a breath, obviously working up the courage to ask him something. "Would you mind if I visited? We could have breakfast," she suggested.

"Yeah." He said excitedly. "Yeah, that would be...great."

"Do you... Do you want me to bring Amy?" She asked, and Mark could hear the equal amounts of hope and fear.

He thought. Last night he'd just been purely mad and the only thing he could think about was the perfect piece of Addison that he'd missed out on for a year... But now that he'd had a chance to mull it over, he was... Not less enthusiastic, but more...cautious. This wasn't some inanimate object, it was a person, a baby. His baby.

But then again, she was here now and she was here to stay. And now that he knew about her there was no way he could just forget... He had to make an effort.

"Yes," he told her finally. "Bring her."

"Okay," Addison exhaled, and there was a hint of happiness, so Mark thought that he'd made the right choice. "I'll see you at nine."

She hung up before he had a chance to say goodbye, before he had a chance to say everything that he'd been waiting to.

.

Addison walked purposefully into the hotel lobby, Amy positioned on her hip. She'd spent half an hour that morning debating what her and Amy would wear. She'd settled for herself with the usual, impeccably dressed, Louboutin heels and a Prada wrap dress. Amy was much the same, already looking like a carbon copy of her mother, and she was dressed in her own mini designer wear, as if Addison would dress her in any less.

She was cripplingly nervous in actuality, but her confident facade was well practiced and not hard to pull off. She still had her presence and as she walked into the dining hall everyone looked up, taking notice.

She spotted Mark sitting at one of the tables by the window, gazing out into the gardens. Taking one more deep breath, she strode over, red hair streaming out behind her. "Can I sit?" She asked, and he was jolted from his thoughts.

"Yeah," he gestured to the chair eagerly. "Please, sit down."

She was just as breathtakingly beautiful as the last time he'd seen her... Hell, he always thought she was beautiful, even when she was in tears with mascara smudges all over her cheeks. She was beautiful to him, no matter what.

And then there was Amy, his daughter. He smiled at the little girl as Addison deftly strapped her into the high chair that the waitress brought over. God, she was cute. Perfect creamy baby skin, scarlet hair and piercing blue-y green eyes. His eyes.

Addison saw him staring, and she had a cat-like smile. "I think she looks like you," she said softly, stroking an index finger across Amy's little cheek.

"I think she does," Mark replied, showing off his megawatt smile.

"So." Addison said, in a business-like way. "Why are you here?"

Mark looked up from Amy and looked into her eyes. "Well, I _was _here to see you and bring you home, but I guess that plan's pretty much fu-"

"Uh-hem!" Addison interrupted, although she was smiling, eyes sliding to Amy.

"Screwed," Mark amended. "Pretty much screwed, I was going to say."

"Of course you were," Addison giggled, and Amy copied her, laughing the most adorable laugh Mark had ever heard.

"She's so cute," he said, staring at her.

"Yeah," Addison smiled, taking a surreptitious sip of her coffee. "In my opinion, she's the cutest. But whatever, I guess I'm biased."

"You and me both," Mark agreed, and Addison was amazed at how his mood toward her had changed overnight.

"Mark..." She couldn't resist asking. "Are you mad at me?"

Mark thought for a moment. "Yes," he said slowly, "but I'm trying not let it affect me."

"That's...big of you," she nodded, confused.

"I've grown up," he told her. "I'm not an idiot anymore."

"You were never an idiot," she said sweetly, reaching over and taking his hand in hers. Mark was instantly transported back to many times in New York, when her hand had been on his. He missed it.

Then, predictably, her pager went off. "Shoot," she murmured, "and I thought we were having a moment there."

"We were," Mark agreed, and Addison felt the familiar tingle of lust shoot through her spine. "911?"

"Yeah," she sighed, getting up and grabbing her bag and Blackberry from on the table. "Patient's in labour."

"Aren't they all?" He quipped, preparing for her to leave.

"Do you want to come with me?" She asked suddenly, the thought just striking her.

"To the hospital?" He asked.

"Sure," she unhooked Amy. "I'm sure there's more for you to do there, and I might need someone to watch Amy."

Mark debated internally. "That sounds good," he said slowly. "Will Derek be there?"

"Yes," she told him, knowing how nervous he'd be about that. "But it's okay. He has this intern now, and well... We're friends, and he likes Amy... You know, he helps sometimes..." She knew she was babbling, but she couldn't stop.

"I can see how that would ruin your marriage," he joked, and she chuckled companionably with him, but there was a hint of sadness and guilt in her eyes.

Mark knew that even though Addison wasn't necessarily in love with Derek - he wasn't sure yet if she was or not - that she would always care for him, and the thing with Derek was that he felt things very deeply. And Mark could only imagine how he'd felt when Addison turned up in Seattle, pregnant with the ex-best-friend who ruined their marriage.

Mark winced. Derek was - is - his best friend, and the thought of doing that to him makes even the great Mark Sloan feel remorseful.

.

"It's big." Mark observed, stepping into the huge Seattle Grace hospital.

Addison raised an eyebrow. "You're a genius," she said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Addie!"

Both of them turned as the Chief's booming voice echoed over to her. Richard wrinkled his brow as he saw the man standing by her.

"Yes?" She asked, pretending not to notice his questioning looks.

"Derek wants you for a consult... I'm sorry," he turned to Mark, "I don't believe that we've been introduced. I'm Richard Webber, Chief of Surgery."

"Mark Sloan," he smiled, not knowing that Richard had heard that name in passing, and knew who he was.

Richard looked to Amy, a little girl that he knew and loved. Addison would often entrust him and Adele with looking after her if she needed it, and had already joked about her calling him Grandpa.

"You're..." He was about to finish when he saw Addison's eyebrows raise and her give an infinitesimal shake of her head. "You're Addie's friend?" He finished with, and he smiled as Addison mouthed 'thank you'.

"From New York," Mark elaborated, and Addison breathed a sigh of relief. Naturally, she did that too soon.

"Mark?" Derek said, rushing over, anger bubbling in his eyes.

Amy clapped her hands together and giggled, reaching out to Derek and smiling a perfect baby smile, cooing. Derek smiled back and nearly reached out to take her, when he saw the look on Addison's face.

Mark swallowed. He thought back to breakfast... What had Addison said?

_We're friends, and he likes Amy... You know, he helps sometimes... _

"Addison," Mark pleaded, "_please _tell me that _our_ daughter does not call Derek daddy."


	4. Chapter 4

"Mark," Addison attempted damage control, "it's not like that..."

"Dada!" Amy shrieked, reaching out to Derek.

Mark's face grew cold. "I think it is," he said scathingly, watching the little girl - _his _little girl - struggle to get to his ex-best-friend.

Mark had thought that when he came over to see Addison that Derek would be the one mad at him. He knew that Addison had come to Seattle, and he thought that it might to follow Derek. He fully expected for Derek to punch him in the face... And yet here he was, balling his hands into tight fists and trying not imagine how could it would feel to slam his fist into Derek's - was that _smug?_ - jaw.

"How could you?" He rounded on Derek. "I know what I did was wrong, but _raising _my child? That's crossing a line!" He took a threatening step toward Derek, and Derek stepped back.

"Seriously, Mark," Addison implored, "calm down, _please_."

Now, Mark Sloan was not known for being a calm person, nor a fair, decent man. In fact, he was widely known to be a huge ass. And Mark decided to fulfil everyone's expectations of him - and when he finds out that his best friend has been raising his secret baby, who wouldn't? - and so he lifted his arm punched Derek square in the face.

Addison gasped and turned Amy's head toward her shoulder, but it didn't stop the strangled cry that came from her. Mark instantly felt a stab of guilt as he watched fat salty tears leak from his daughter's eyes, and slip down her cheeks.

Derek lay on the floor, blinking rapidly and clutching his jaw. "Jesus Mark," he breathed, the wind knocked out of him, "you've still got an arm on you."

"You - " Mark began incredulously, but he stopped. "You know what, I can't do this."

"No," Addison said desperately, shaking her head while trying to soothe Amy. "No, Mark..." He said nothing, just walked off.

Addison looked at the Chief, who was just watching the whole scene unfold with a bemused expression, and thrust the hiccuping baby at him. Then she took off after Mark.

"Stop!" She called out, rushing over quite skillfully in her heels.

"Why, Addison?" He snapped. "Why should I do _anything _you want me to. You know, I've spent the last two years feeling guilty over what I did to you, what I did to _us. _I thought that I was the bad guy, but you know what? I'm saint compared to you. You're just some stupid slut who took my baby and betrayed me with my best friend."

He wanted to stop there and leave with some dramatic exit, but he couldn't. He wanted to gauge her reaction, to see what she made of his monologue. He waited... And then she burst into tears.

Not one glistening tear trailing down one perfect cheek, but sobs that made her look so fragile that Mark felt irresponsible not to try and hold her together. Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery was always full of poise and perfection, never letting her confident facade slip... But this wasn't her, this was just Addie.

Addie who would stay up all night talking to him about things that never mattered, over things that she wouldn't give a second thought to except that she wanted to continue listening to his voice.

Addie who sang at the top of her voice without even realising, and then blushed the most adorable scarlet colour, like her hair, when she realised that he'd heard.

Addie who had spent three hours preparing a dinner that Derek had _promised _to be home for, having not seen anything other that the walls of the hospital for two weeks, and then had sat alone at the table, waiting for a husband that never came. But welcoming his best friend that did.

Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery could handle being shouted at. She could handle being called a slut and by being humilated in front in of her colleagues, and she could come back from that with more respect than ever. But Addie couldn't. She was sad and scared and raising a baby virtually on her own, and Mark loved her. And no matter what Addie did she was a woman that Mark could never hurt without feeling the bone crushing guilt after.

"Addie..." He said softly and he felt that it was entirely inadequate after what he'd said to her. "I'm sorry."

She sniffed and wiped the mascara tears off her cheeks. "I'm sorry," she repeated, looking so forlorn that it took all Mark's strength to not hold her and never let go right there. "You can say what you want to me, I deserve it. I get that I'm a horrible person, and I just thought that when you came back to me... I thought it would be easy. I didn't think about you or how you'd feel, and I didn't think about Derek. He's not with me, he has the intern... He's just there for me, sometimes. It's ironic that he's here for me now when we're divorced, and yet when we were together he was never here."

"He never saw you," Mark mumbled, thinking back to the night when the two of them had crossed that line and slept together. It hadn't felt dirty, or wrong... In fact, it felt more right that anyone else Mark had ever been with. Addie and Derek's bed was a bed he was used to, having spent many a night with his arms wrapped around a disappointed Addison, stroking her hair while she cried.

And that first night, he'd dared pretend that the beautiful woman currently in his arms was his, and that feeling had been better than anything else.

"You saw me," Addison interrupted his thoughts.

"I saw you," Mark agreed, then stepped forward and caught her lips in a passionate kiss. As they both fell back into familiar ground, each other's mouths a place they knew well, Mark let his tongue gently lower her bottom lip and slide in. The kiss was a perfect jumble of the past and the present and the future that could be, all rolled up into one complicated mess.

They broke apart a moment later, when air became a necessity. Addison gazed up at the man who she loved, the man who's child she carried and nursed...

"I saw you too," Addison whispered, stroking his cheek with her hand.

"I..." Mark started, but faltered. He did love her, he did, so much... But he couldn't bring himself to say it. "I think that you should take Amy," he nodded to the Chief, who was doing his best not to look at them.

Her disappointment was unmissable. She lifted her hand to wipe her tears, but Mark got there first. He leaned forward, and Addie thought he was going to kiss her again. But, instead, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her flush against his broad chest. "Oh Addie..." He breathed. "We really screwed up didn't we?"

Her heart caught in her throat. _We screwed up. _He hadn't just said her, and she loved him even more for that. "We did," she agreed, chuckling softly into his shoulder. She was still a little tense in his embrace, but she soon just let go and let herself be engulfed. "Oh..." She breathed, tears pricking her eyes. It felt _so _good to back here.

"Addison," he coughed, not wanting to let go, "she needs you."

"Us," Addison corrected. "She needs _us._"

Mark let go, and instantly, Addison missed the warmth that his body provided for her. His hand still lingered on hers, gently intertwining their fingers.

God, he wanted _so _badly to be mad at her. _So _badly. But just looking at that face, those eyes... And he couldn't. He'd hurt her before, and all he wanted now was to make that better, and nothing she did would change that.

"Uh hem," Richard interrupted diplomatically, leaving Derek where he was. "Mama is needed," he elaborated, holding Amy out.

Addison smiled at her, trying to look happy. "Hi baby," she cooed. Then her pager went. "Shoot, I forgot that I came here for a reason," she frowned.

She turned to Mark. "Take her."

"What?" He asked. He wanted to spend time with Amy... But he was new to this. Fatherhood was not something he was practised at.

"Take her," Addison smiled encouragingly. "I'll be back in a few hours, and you two can...bond."

"Bond?" Mark raised an eyebrow.

"Mark," Addison held her out. "Go on sweetheart, go say hi."

Amy was placed in Mark's large arms, and then Addison looked on at them like the cat who got the cream. "Okay," she sighed, feeling drained from all the emotion. She kissed Amy's forehead. "Bye."

Mark watched Amy's little eyes follow her mother until she was out of sight. Then her little mouth opened and Mark could do nothing before she began to wail for her mama.

.

Mark bounced Amy on his hip, feeling less and less enthused with this as each minute crawled by. Jesus, how long could a kid take to be delivered?

It was close to two hours since Addison had left, and the only time Amy had not been crying had been to breathe in, to get more air to use for crying.

Mark hated to admit, but he felt like a failure. This kid may not know him, but that didn't mean that after two hours she wouldn't be calmed by him.

Switching sides, Mark realised how brave Addie had been. Sure, she was gifted with babies, but still... No matter how involved Derek was - and Mark begged that that was not very - he was still with the moderately attractive intern, who by the way couldn't hold a handle to Addison. And that meant that for all intents and purposes Addie had done this alone.

Well, he'd been at it for two hours. Two years alone... That was commendable.

Amy gave another wail, with renewed vigour. Mark sighed. "Alright, Amy, here's how it is," he said bluntly, not up to baby talk, "I'm not what you want, I know. You want your mommy, and at this moment, so do I. But right now, I'm all you've got."

She wailed once more, and Mark was _this _close to giving in and finding Derek. Little did he know that Derek had already found him.

"She likes it if you rub her lower back," Derek mumbled from the doorway, looking superior as ever. "And she loves it if you sing, but only Addison does that."

"I can handle this," he said through gritted teeth.

"Just try it," Derek pushed. "All this crying's not good for her."

"Are you saying that I can't look after my own kid?" Mark snapped, but at a low tone so as not to alarm Amy.

"Are you saying that you _can?_" Derek challenged, and so help him God if he hadn't been holding a child Derek would have been back on the floor before he knew what hit him. The blooming bruise was giving Mark a sense of satisfaction though.

"She's mine," Mark told him firmly. "Not yours. Mine." Who cares if Derek knew how to get her to stop crying? He could learn - he _would _learn - and he was the dad. He called the shots now.

"I know," Derek nodded. "I've never tried to be in your place."

Mark snorted. "She calls you daddy!"

"She doesn't know what she's saying," Derek scoffed. "And if you're back for good, I'm not going to get in your way."

"_Really_?" Mark said, with a mock impressed expression. "Can I just ask, Derek, what was going through your mind when you got involved with this? You know, after you two _divorced _and all."

Derek was silent for a moment, contemplating. "Just a welcome little window into the life I could of had," he said finally, and Mark was humbled by his answer.

"Look Mark," Derek continued, "Addie may have cheated, but I was the one who gave it all up. As soon as I started something serious with Meredith, that was it. And I love Meredith, I do... But I loved Addie. For over a quarter of my life. And no matter what happens, that counts for something. And seeing her in mommy mode," Derek's eyes crinkled, "just makes me see what an amazing mother she makes, and would have made to our kids."

"And she makes to our kid," Mark couldn't resist adding, looking at Amy. It was then he realised that while they'd been talking the crying had stopped. Amy was fast asleep, in his arms.

"She loves you," Derek told him.

Mark looked up. "She's barely known me a day," he pointed out.

Derek smiled faintly. "I wasn't talking about Amy," he said, then left.

Sitting in the dark, despite himself, Mark started to smile.


End file.
